What Your Negative Reaction to My 9th Pregnancy Tells Me About You

Raising 9 Boys | TheMarathonMom.com

As a mother expecting her ninth child, I sometimes feel like a walking social experiment in modern America.

When we first announced we were having another baby, we were met with some sad reactions, even sadder, by people we know and love.

What they said doesn’t matter.  And by the way, sometimes a face says it all.

I believe with all my heart that a ninth baby should be just as celebrated as a first baby!

I realize that in this era in America, that seems a far stretch, but it doesn’t make it any less true.  Children are blessings from the Lord.

Unfortunately, we’ve experienced enough negative reactions to our number of children, specifically this pregnancy, we’ve learned what those typically say about the disapproving person.

What Your Negative Reaction to My 9th Pregnancy Tells Me About You

1.  You are Narrow-Minded

You live in first-world America. Probably grew up here.  It’s not entirely your fault that you think every family should only have 2 or 3 children;  you probably grew up in that family.  You think in terms of providing for a family on the average American income.  You think of children as expensive, limiting to both your finances and your free time.  Why would anyone want to “have to” get a bigger house or a bigger car or a bigger table or pay for a bigger tab at a restaurant or more college tuitions?

All American ideas.  All modern ideas.

And those viewpoints don’t reflect God’s (timeless) Word that says children are  blessings.  Maybe you read the Bible, but you interpret that children are blessings but should be limited.  Whether or not you choose to have unlimited children is your conviction, but a negative reaction to my choice to have “a lot” of kids shows me where you really stand on the matter.

What if God intends for you to adjust something else besides those material things?  Family size doesn’t have to be determined by income.  There are all kinds of options.  Have you thought about those?  Have you explored crazy ideas like living below your means or growing your own food, or the kids sharing rooms, or buying used cars?

What if you could live differently?  What if your kids work hard and earn scholarships?  What if (gasp) they work their way through college?

Family size doesn’t have to be based on income. Or modern standard of living.  Or what you THINK you should get to have.

2.  You are Selfish

Here are the comments we’ve heard that reveal your selfishness (or pandemic modern American entitlement) to me:

“Why would you have so many kids and do that to yourself?  Are you insane?”

“Don’t you wish you could use that money to buy bigger, nicer things?  You could have X,Y, or Z!”

“How are you going to pay for all that tuition!? Don’t you ever want to retire?”

“I would have to drink more if I had that many kids!”

“Don’t you wish you could have girls’ night out?”

“Don’t you want a life of your own?”

“That’s too many!  It’s rude of you to have such a huge carbon footprint!”

Seriously, people?  Is life really so much about you?  And you think everyone thinks the same way you do?  (More proof of narrow-mindedness.)

Can life not be about something grander?  Something more noble than your free time?  Your cute life?  If it gets messy, then, aw shucks…..What have we done?

It’s such a sad epidemic in our self-serving society of limiting children because they’re believed to be an inconvenience.

Stop and think about it.  What does this reveal to you about people today?  They’re selfish.  And that makes me sad.  I’m not angry at the disapproving people.  God has used the hurt to show me a deeper compassion for people and where we are in our country today.  God have mercy on us.

So next time you see a large family, please think before you speak.  Next time your weird relative that home schools and grows their own food (teaching their kids how to hunt, fish, protect, defend, serve, honor, love, and respect – all at the same time) calls you and tells you they are expecting their umpteenth child, can you reach deep within and find a true, celebratory word of congratulations for them?

In the meantime, I’m happily anticipating the arrival our our 9th baby boy, and only feel sorry for those people who have behaved so sadly in the past.  I pray God opens their eyes to the beauty of His Creation, and their hearts to see the blessings from Him.

Are you the mother of a large family?  How are YOU processing people’s reactions to your family size?


Comments

  1. “I believe with all my heart that a ninth baby should be just as celebrated as a first baby!” Absolutely 100% agreed! What people fail to realize, children are a blessing from the Lord. (Psalm 127:3) I am amazed at your wonderful family. It’s no one’s business to ask those questions because they don’t provide for your family, and you haven’t asked them to! You are a phenomenal mother and woman of God. Keep going and living for Him. As you’ve said here, it’s showing you character about the people who give the looks and choose to ask these sort of questions. Love to you and your family!

    • Danny Kansas says:

      “[…] because they don’t provide for your family, and you haven’t asked them to!”

      I won’t go into much detail here, because I believe true understanding of why this statement is patently false will only come from honest research (read: “seeking”, if need be) and using your God-given powers of intelligence to look at things from a perspective not only greater than yourself (as was well-articulated in this post) but also a perspective greater than your immediate family.

      Large families do not exist in a clean, packaged vacuum where only the parents are subject to the implications of extreme numbers of children. A truly unselfish view is only one that considers your family, it’s size, and the impacts of that size within the context of the larger society and phase of that society in which you reside.

      I’m sure some individuals do gasp at your reproduction numbers out of pure selfishness, but my experience (and a great deal of research to back up that experience) indicates that this negative reaction is actually quite appropriate from the vast majority of individuals. You are subjecting the world to your personal (and very-much-permanent, I’ll add – there’s no going back now) decisions to procreate in numbers beyond what modern society, systems, and expectations are completely incapable of supporting.

      I’m sure that final sentence puts a smile and glow on your face, because it stimulates the part of your ego that so clearly loves to be different and against the grain of modern society. And for decisions that don’t impact everyone around you, being against the grain is perfectly fine: live your faith as you please, that’s why this country exists. But for those expressions of your worldview that result in huge burdens on the society around you, I’d recommend thinking a bit more about what the true driving force might actually be.

      From the perspective of you and your husband and family, sure, you’re being quite unselfish to sacrifice freedom and take on the huge likelihood of never having another free moment to yourself. But if you would take just one more step back – a step that puts you in the shoes of the thousands of people your lives will touch over the course of your years – you might begin to see just why people are so opinionated about your family’s “personal” choices. Here’s a hint: they’re absolutely anything except “personal”. Neither martyrdom of your personal freedom nor martyrdom of your finances – even if they give you a warm fuzzy feeling of superiority – automatically equates to lack of selfishness.

      That, I would argue, is the very definition of selfishness and lack of regard for others.

      • Brandy Ferguson says:

        What’s your agenda here, Danny? Are you a dad? Do you have a family? True driving force? Wow. I can’t even peel all the layers of this onion back for you. Sorry you think families like mine are a burden on society. Very sad.

      • So, “Danny”, what size family is okay to you? How many girls and how many boys? Are you the one in your family that should have been eliminated? Who are you to say how many offspring someone should have? What are your criteria for family numbers? Who makes you God to decide? Sheesh! Wow! YOUR ego is huge! Get over yourself!

      • Danny,
        I listened to your points and understand where you’re coming from ’cause I used to believe this too. Then I had my first child and learned how responsible I am to my community and society, to raise my children to NOT be the burden you say. We can raise educated, loving, driven, responsible people to lift the burdens around us. We owe this world that wether we have one chiild or ten. Consider the families who ate here on this site… looking for insight, tips, and encouragement to raise stronger smarter, self reliant families. We didn’t come here for garbage entertainment or something silly.
        Assuming anything about our futures with such a narrow view, is exactly how I won’t raise my big family!

      • Danny, it pretty much sounds like you are saying that with each number of children the chances of raising kids who will grow into irresponsible burdens on society gets higher. So it’s not possible that all 9 of her kids will grow up to be responsible, successful adults? Her having 9 children will mean they will all be unruly, drop out of school, have no goals, end up in jail, be on welfare? Are you saying that her 9 children will contribute to global warming? That now society has to produce more food to feed them all and that means one less hamburger combo at McDonald’s for you? Talk about being selfish and self centered and full of judgement. Wow.

      • So much bla bla bla for nothing.
        You haven´t pointed a SINGLE reason why big families are a trouble for society. None.
        You haven´t backed your argument with even ONE of the sooo many trully believable research you bow your beliefs to.
        So, you have waisted all your time and the one of those who expected your long post to actually bring an interesting argument against the line you tried to debate, because you said actually nothing about it.
        So, if you are trying to prove your point by saying people can be a burden to society by behaving like a person who actually contributes with nothing to even a simple comment on a random website, point taken, but I do believe the author of the text is actually raising her kids to be people who actually do something better for the world around them rather than just criticizing things with no fundament for what they are saying nor a better alternative to the problem whatsoever.

      • Jacklyn Livingston says:

        Danny, I probably shouldn’t be commenting on a thread that is over a year old, but unfortunately your view point is held by many and I’d like to share my thoughts on the matter. I am currently majoring in sociology and wonder at the validity of your claim that “research” supports the theory that large families place a burden on society. I think if you delve into the research you will find that it is not the “large families” that place the burden, but irresponsible people. The number of children is irrelevant; what matters is whether or not the family does what is necessary to provide for the children and help them eventually provide for themselves. Here’s a case study for you to consider:
        My Grandparents had ten children. Each one of their ten children put themselves through college and all received at least a Bachelors degree. Five of them received graduate degrees. Each went on to have successful, happy marriages and raise families of their own. There are 75 grand kids in the family (yes, family reunions are a PARTY!) and every grandchild who is of adult age has received post secondary education (almost all college attenders) and is a contributing member of society. The grand children who are not college age are good students and well on their way to making something of themselves. None of us have been to jail. None of us are on welfare. Everyone contributes to their community through their taxes and volunteer work. Some of my uncles and cousins have contributed much to the scientific world through their research and experimentation (we have some professors and doctors in the group). Now I ask you…where is the burden?
        Division of resources is not scarcity issue, it is a political issue. In poorer areas of the country and world there are people having children and unable to care for them, and while many think the answer is to pass out birth control, I’d argue the answer is to help educate the people and empower them with faith. The answer is to get selfish scum bags out of positions of power so selfless leaders can help their countries get on their feet. Good people need to get off their fannies and help those less fortunate learn to help themselves. And who do you think those good, service minded people will be? The politicians? I submit that it will be the good religious children who have been raised to be servant leaders. People like those you just scorned.
        I know how awful and dark the world can be—I’ve been involved in a ministry that seeks to save those ensnared in sex trafficking around the world. Many of my family members have been on missions for our church where they’ve seen firsthand how difficult some situations are. And I’m telling you that the answer is not to abort babies and keep people from reproducing. The answer is to turn everyone back to God and His commandments. The answer is to love our fellow men and help them help themselves. No large Christian family is perfect; we are all sinners. But at least this family, and many other large families like it have chosen to raise a number of children who will go on to make a good difference in the world. Whether by their ministry work or by raising happy, hard working families themselves, or by making important contributions to how we understand the Earth and use it’s resources. Either way, the power to make positive change lies in righteous families and it is mothers like the author of this blog who will make that change.

  2. I wish I was strong enough in my faith to let The Lord guide the number of children we would have. We have four boys and I had been so adamant with the first two that it would be under my terms and now I’m 39 with a tubal ligation and longing for more. Talk about struggle. Satan does not like the family and I let him in to dictate mine. But the lord has softened our hearts about local adoption and I hope to pursue that route. Good luck to you. You have a beautiful family and I cannot wait to see what this little guy looks like. Blessings!

  3. I believe it’s a blessing to bringing life into this world. Generations ago it was a blessing that you had a big family. When you had boys it was even more of a blessing. What happened as a survior of miscarriage/infertility I am blessed to have my 6 boys. In the past we taught our children how to prepare for life. What happened!!! I agree with you on all points.

  4. Well said!! I celebrate your ninth little man with you!! You are exactly right!
    I’ve had all those same reactions too! ( I currently have 6) Thank you for sharing! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  5. Wow. Just wow. This is awesome. I am the mom of 4 beautiful gifts and I am hopeful that more will be “loaned” to me!

    My kids and I were in the car earlier this week and I was telling them how this Mennonite family near where we live had their 7th & 8th children last year (twins!). The kids thought this was neat as I explained to them that most Mennonites let God decide how many children they are going to have. My kids were quite confused as if to say– well, yeah, that is only NATURAL mom! I had to explain to them that a lot of people in our country don’t want more than one or two children and so they take precautionary measures (medicine or surgery, I told them) so that they won’t have any more children. My kids’ reaction to this really struck a chord with me. In their eyes it was only natural, only NORMAL to have kids as long as God gives them to you. This was not out of anything I’ve ever “preached” at them but instead came from their childlike faith.

    We’ve over-complicated, over-calculated things today and it shouldn’t be that way. Praise God for the way in which He revealed this to me this week!

    Children are indeed a blessing. Thank you for your reminder of this truth!

  6. I think you can almost be more excited for a ninth baby than a first. With the first you’re all starry-eyed at the thought of being a parent. Then reality sets in. 🙂 By the ninth you know exactly what you’re in for, but you wouldn’t trade any of it. We have eight. My youngest just turned two, and I just turned 46. I would dearly love to have another baby, but time is running out for me. And I’ll be honest, it makes me a little sad to realize that.
    Enjoy this new baby. I am so happy for you and your family that you will soon be welcoming a ninth boy into your family. He’s one blessed baby to be joining a family where he will be eaten up with love.

  7. We just welcomed our third into the world, and already get strange looks. Mostly because we are only in our early twenties, and don’t make much money. But when people ask if we are going to have more and we say, of course!, we get some pretty wild looks. Kids are such an amazing thing to poor our lives into. What a blessing. 🙂

  8. This blog post has reinforced what I’ve been feeling for awhile. Technology and social media can be a wonderful thing, but I’m seeing more and more all the ways it breeds discontent and a need to “prove”. Just in the past week on FB I’ve seen articles from all sides: 1 child vs. many, homeschooling vs. public, organic vs. non-organic…and all of the strong comments/arguments these topics ignite. I completely understand your frustration and need to write a blog post on the negative comments you hear about your 9th child. You obviously love your family and your Lord and many people, including myself, find inspiration and encouragement from your blog. Please don’t get caught up in society’s trap of making you feel you need to prove youself and your family decisions. God’s plan for you and your family is not going to seem “good” or “right” to everyone, because it’s not His plan for them. It’s hard to ignore the negative comments, but I really believe Satan uses social media in this way to make us feel the need to defend God’s will for our family. It takes our focus off of Him and keeps it on things that just fuel frustration.
    Congratulations on your 9th child, and keep up the great work! 🙂

    • I needed to read this today. I’ve been thinking the very same thing going a lot lately! Cancelled my FB account two years ago for this reason. Thank you. God bless.

  9. I love this, Brandy! It really does speak to the heart of the matter. Thankfully, in light of expecting #11, I haven’t heard any negative comments yet. I’ve had people react with astonishment and ask lots of question, but in the spirit of genuine curiosity. And in that spirit, I love to answer their questions. Oddly enough, all the negativity came from babies 3 to 6.

    With number 3, we were told by a relative that we were so selfish for adding to the over-population problem. With number 5, we were told we should stop having children, by another relative, because my husband has a pacemaker. And with number 6, we were told by a church member that “It’s time to STOP!!!”. In addition to that, the Minister of Education at the time told us that “you have your two good kids, and then you quit!”…as we were holding our precious son, 6th child.

    I am so sorry you’ve encountered this kind of response. Like you said, people don’t have to agree, or do the same thing, but is it really that hard to reach down and just say, “Congratulations!”

    On that note, and you already know this, but I am SO happy for you! Such a blessing!

  10. I’m very surprised by this post. Yes, it is rude for people to make negative comments about your pregnancy. If you are happy, they should be happy. But it seems to me that your premises and accusations are just as rude – “You are narrow minded. You are selfish.” Wow, that’s pretty harsh. Maybe they’re just surprised that someone has the resources (financial, emotional, family, and/or social) needed to raise a large number of children – because most people in the 21st century don’t have those resources. And maybe they do believe that children are a blessing from the Lord, but feel equally blessed by their one or two or three children. I’m sorry that people have made insensitive comments about your pregnancy; there is no excuse for that. But that doesn’t mean that everyone who is surprised by a couple’s decision to have 9 children is narrow minded or selfish.

    • Brandy Ferguson says:

      I wasn’t addressing those surprised by our decision. I was addressing those who openly shared their disgust for us. Yes, they are selfish and narrow minded for behaving in such a way and I have deeper compassion for them. It doesn’t mean I will spend my time with them, though…..

      • You also seemed to be addressing all people who limit there family size. These were your exact words, “It’s such a sad epidemic in our self-serving society of limiting children because they’re believed to be an inconvenience.” That’s really harsh and judgemental. And I think you’re way off base while your assumption that people limit their family size because they view children as an inconvenience. There are a lot of people who limit their family size because they want their children to have as much attention from their parents as possible, other who limit the size because they don’t have good enough health to give birth to and/or raise a large family, others because they can’t afford even the most basic necessities for further children, the list goes on and on. My point is, you have no idea what other people’s reasons are for limiting their family size, and to assume that they’re all doing so for selfish reasons makes you just as bad as the people who are judging your family size. Not to mention, it makes you seem very unchristian.

        • Brandy Ferguson says:

          This post was NOT directed to anyone who chose to limit their family size for their personal reasons. It was only about / directed to the people who have been extremely negative towards us/the idea of large family. I would never want to seem un-Christian, and I apologize if I did. However, this post was intended to shed some light on something not often discussed…and sometimes the truth is uncomfortable.

  11. It’s amazing how other people would have such a reaction to ‘your’ family size. I would do back flips if I were lucky and blessed enough to have 9 kids. Well, I’d try to do back flips. I had 8 years of trouble conceiving, and with that many years of fertility treatments, IVF blessed me with 1 child and no more. So to have someone comment on your 9th is absurd to me. I get comments all the time about not being able to have more than 1. Why is it, other people are not happy or comment negatively rather, no matter how many or how few we have. But we are quite happy ourselves with our number and choices. I am very happy and very jealous of your 9th !!! Congratulations and I hope everything goes well for you and new baby.

  12. We have a medium family of 4 kids, 3 boys and the youngest is a girl. What really hurts me is when people assume that we won’t have any more because we “finally got our girl”. Like that was the whole point of us having 4 children. I would love to have more, but we’re not sure if that is what God has for us right now. Congratulations on number 9! Children truly are a gift from God.

  13. We have 4 beautiful children after loosing a baby and trying to conceive for 10 years! They are ages 5 and under. I turned 40 this year. The most critical comments we received after #2 came from our church. When #4 arrived, we received maybe five card from a church family of 300 which my husband served as the associate pastor. We were the largest family there. We have since left and now belong to a wonderful group that embraces family and sees children as the bible sees them, blessings.
    You are a blessed women! Enjoy #9 and all those boys:)
    Thank you for your post and blog!!

  14. Congratulations on baby number nine, he will be a blessing and will be blessed with a sweet and strong mama. I am one of five kids and even that is considered a big family. this post was a good reminder to watch our words and tone to others. We have two friends with large families and I have said “wow, that’s big, glad my parents did it, not me, etc.” I owe them an apology!
    Your post reminded me to watch my mouth and attitude, I’m very glad they enjoy their large families as you do and I’m positive your kids are as well loved as my one kiddo. it’s not about numbers, God blessed you with a little life and you chose to keep it and love it. that’s what matters!

  15. Jon Schepp says:

    I grew up in a house with 3 brothers and a sister and we were a wild crazy mess ,sometimes, but we learned a lot about getting along (or facing an angry older brother). We looked out for each other it wasn’t about mine mine mine, we didn’t have a lot of privacy or toys and personal clutter, what we didn’t have in material possessions was made up for by having some one there for you all the time. You followed your brothers around and wanted to be them and they let you do things they did and you were a family. you had dinner together every night, going out to eat meant dad was grilling burgers outside. You knew you were loved no matter what, because your brothers and sister knew you were sad or unhappy, because they actually knew you,

    “We had school clothes and hand me downs and if you wanted to keep up with your buddies you got a job, I had a job since I was 13, I wore polo just like my friendss, while they threw there clothes down lost them stained and destroyed them, I hand washed it hung it up to dry,. I didn’t do stupid things while wearing them because that represented a weeks pay.

    All I am saying is it works, people just cant see the selfish kids they raised being willing to do things for the family.. To go without, to watch their siblings , to spend time as a family, for your family to be related and your friends.

    I applause your effort to raise a large family despite. The criticism . As I said large family everyone in my family has a masters accept me I have a single degree in business, we all paid for our own school and all respected it that much more because it was our money. Several of us joined the military and used the GI Bill, others got grants, others tool loans. Because of this we all worked our asses off , I worked 50-55 hours a week and took night weekend and took Mini semesters with my vacation time. I did it in 3 1/2 years

    Anyway I know it’s a huge post but it really hit a spot in my heart where I wanted a big family and I miss my chance. I am having my first boy after 9 years of trying and I am going to be 40 before the kid is one. I get the same kind of looks And comments about my age and people are seriously rude right to your face, “wow” “little Joey graduates next year I couldn’t do it at this age I am ready for him to leave”. “Poor kid his dad is going to be old to pick him up” hahaha.”

    That’s a lot of talking to say every single baby is a gift, I have been frustrated for 9 years and gone threw many low points to get to have a baby after all that has changed my life, as I am sure each baby you have had changes your life, the life of your family. Congrats to you and your new young man, you and Dax are truly blessed!

  16. We are anxiously waiting for baby number 2 to come into this world in 2 weeks. Our first is a boy and this one is a girl. We feel so blessed but because of this all I have heard was oh good you now have both genders now you can be done. 2 and done. It breaks my heart whenever I hear that and that’s all I’ve heard from this whole pregnancy. Family and friends and strangers… everyone. When we tell them well we aren’t sure if this is our last they tell us how crazy we are and pretty much the same comments you get. I actually had my mother in law tell me thank you for completing her family. Wow I love how people just assume and decide for us that we are done. It’s a sad thing. I think it is beautiful your having a 9th baby. Your family seems amazing and has a great foundation. Babies are a huge blessing no matter how many a person has. Love your article.

  17. CONGRATS!!! Children ARE blessings from the Lord! We have four biological and just adopted #5 through foster care. We have had some crazy comments (especially because #5 is of a different race), and I too am saddened by the selfishness. ALL children are special, planned, and knit before His eyes. Celebrate away sister!! Congrats!

  18. Beautifully stated, Brandy! And congratulations on the newest member of your family.
    When my wife was pregnant with our 4th, we decided we needed to sell our car and get a [used] mini-van. A complete stranger who came to look at the car began giving me medical advice about my groin area and then made the classic “…you know that each child is said to cost $[whatever amount of money] in their lifetime…” remark.

    The reality is that children are not cheap. But here’s the thing: I can either spend that money on my children and watch them enjoy what I spend on them [food, clothing, shelter, mobility…] and I can get to enjoy THEM; or I can choose to not have that child and try to replace the joy that a child *would have* given me with the money I “saved”. I’ll take the child, thank you very much.

  19. Elaine Ellen says:

    I think it is great that you have a large family! Congrats on number 9!

    We have 6 children. The first were 5 kids in 6 years so they are all close together. After number 5,I knew things were different with my body so finally I went to a doctor. His viewpoint? You already have 5, what more do you want? No concern that something else might be going on. I never went back to him again. Seven years after # 5, # 6 came along and I was so happy! And a few years later, I had a hysterectomy, due to all the endometriosis that was found. So I was very fortunate to get pregnant with # 6.

    Someone recently talked about the cost of raising a child and how they are SO expensive. I told him that is really not the cost that they like to quote. I think our kids had a pretty good childhood. Even though they had to wear Tough Skins jeans because they were guaranteed and I could get them replaced. (One daughter brings that up sometimes, because the other girls in her class had name-brand jeans. But she has 4 kids now so she understands.)

    Our kids grew up with each other to play with and do chores with. My parents had 4 kids and then couldn’t have any more so they adopted 2 siblings. It was great being a part of a larger family.

    So congratulations! I think it is great that you have a large family. Besides, don’t the naysayers know all the good your children are going to do in this world?

  20. As a mama of 6 boys ages 2.5 to 13, and 6 babies in heaven waiting for us, I have heard many of the same things. Our last pregnancy was our 10th and we knew it would be the last, no matter what the outcome. God blessed us with twins. People were asking me if I was sad that they were both boys too. At that point, having lost 6 babies including our only girl just a year before, I just wanted healthy babies! Most of the time I just smile in response to strange comments. Like the checkout guy turning to my hubby right in front of me and asking if the boys were all his. People are weird! Lately we have had a few more positive comments about how blessed we are. I love it when people say that! I make sure to let them know that I do indeed feel blessed, in spite of the chaos that sometimes swirls around me.

  21. I got comments for wanting a 2nd child! I’m surrounded by a lot of people that think one is all you need and they think anyone that wants more is stupid. Imagine the comments when I got pregnant with my 3rd. I don’t care anymore though, I enjoy my life and so thankful that God allowed me to have children when I told I was most likely sterile. Each one is a miracle and I’m excited to see how many miracles God gives us!!

  22. Thank you for sharing your heart in this post. We have 5 kiddos ages 2-11…and we homeschool…and we enjoy planting a garden…and we crave the mountainous outdoors – camping, etc. Since my children are with me ALL the time, trips to the grocery store always means someone will say something or look at us strangely. One time I was asked if all of the children were mine. Caught off guard by the question, I should’ve responded with something like, “No, I picked these two up in the cereal aisle!” After confirming that all five were definitely mine, the person then commented that I looked barely out of high school – I’ll be 40 next year!! Ha! I believe people just don’t think before they speak!! I consider it an opportunity to show others that five children are a blessing, children can behave in public and be polite and respectful to adults. Sometimes, ignorance has opened doors to share about why we choose to “live differently” than the norm, but I think that happens when you choose to respond to the negative comments with grace, and you can look past the ignorance and selfishness. Be confident in your choices. Don’t let the stares and comments anger you. They are simply missing out on the joy of a larger family. Is it hard work? Absolutely. Am I tired? You bet. Can I meet a friend for lunch after gym time? Nope! Is my house company ready at a moment’s notice? Definitely not – we LIVE in our house 🙂 Having children requires sacrificing SELF daily, which contradicts our culture big time. For some, the desire to have more kids is there but they cannot for whatever reason, so be careful not to judge the family of 4 based on numbers only. Large families are special and I wouldn’t trade my mom job for the world! Excited to hear about your 9th boy blessing’s arrival 🙂

  23. Ruia Walker says:

    I love this…. ❤️ I enjoy reading your blog. I am glad you aren’t bitter about others comments. I am so excited for you!

  24. I also have had 9 sons. I would have liked to have had a daughter, but I have 3 granddaughters now. They definitely are different. We often wonder how having a girl would have changed the dynamics of our home.

  25. I love this! Every single child is a blessing. I watch 19 Kids’ and Counting and boy do they get a lot of hate for the amount of children they have. I have to wonder what goes on in their minds (the negative people) when they sit there and type all of those hateful comments.

    As a follower of your blog I can’t wait to see pictures of your sweet baby boy.

  26. As a mother to 9, I can relate to everything I’ve read here. The most painful comments I received were from family and close friends, who didn’t choose their words very carefully. By #5, we stopped telling them and let my tummy speak for itself. Honestly, I think if I got one more question about whether we were Catholic or Mormon, I could just scream.

    Having a large family is a living sacrifice, one that is dedicated to God and established with my husband. I can’t expect anyone else to “get it” and I don’t need them to anymore.

    If someone can’t honor the choices we’ve made with their words and expressions when in my presence (or behind my back), then I probably don’t need them in my life.

    Believe me, I choose my friends carefully. My emotional energy deserves to be protected, Lord knows I’ve got enough to worry about.

  27. I am almost due with (only) my third child and I feel that people are surprised when we say that we would love to have another child after this! I can’t imagine the reaction people give you but I agree with all your points and I think you have an absolutely beautiful family of gentlemen! I hope that your labor and first few weeks with baby go smoothly. Enjoy that sweet new little one who is most certainly a blessing and meant to be in your family.

  28. I am so happy for you Brandy! You spoke right from my heart. We welcomed our 9th baby this past May, and have received our share of negative comments as well. Our children are a precious gift, and the dumbfounded cashier at Costco won’t tell me otherwise!

  29. Congratulations on #9! As a momma of 6, I think large families are gifts from God. BUT I do believe that larger families are not for everyone.
    I have a friend, with 4 going on 5 children, that constantly complained about how exhausted, tired and stressed she was before she became pregnant. Another friend and I have even gone to the point of taking her children home for “play dates” with our kids a few times a week. (This is after she would ask multiple other moms at school “if Ryan could go over to their house for a play date this week.” This would happen EVERY week and got to the point that parents were avoiding her.) When she announced she was pregnant with her 5th child, it was a little hard to get overly excited knowing that she was already requiring lots of help from others in the form of watching her children. While I don’t mind helping her and know that she really needs the help, a 5th child won’t make her situation easier. I have refrained from negative comments and have had to bite my tongue many times.
    It sounds like you are providing for your kiddos both financially and emotionally, so your kiddos are blessed as well. Best wishes on that new precious!

  30. I am sorry that it is necessary for you to have to write this. I’m especially sad that you have had negative comments from family….I am sure those comments hurt the most. You have a beautiful family. I think this decision s between husband, wife, an their Lord. I can’t wait to see your beautiful 9th son. Many blessings and much love to your beautiful family. When is your due date?

  31. Congratulations on baby boy number nine. May God continue to bless your family. Thanks for sharing your story with us.

  32. sheriee schroeder says:

    I have six beautiful girls and the comments, stares, and judgement can be very difficult sometimes. I’m thankful for women like you that point out the timeless truth of Gods word… That children truly ate a blessing!! I believe this generation is very selfish and that it is important for us to start speaking the truth on this matter.

  33. I’m also pregnant with number 9. The hardest part for mehas been telling others about the pregnancy. It amazes me how many say rude comments, give you a look, or say aren’t you done yet. I find each child a blessing and eagerly await this little one, also a boy, into our family.

  34. How sad that we live in a world with so many self-centered people. Children truly are gifts from God. I came from a family of 14 plus Mom and Dad and I would not trade my life growing up for anything. We didn’t have money but we were never poor either. We grew our own food and raised our own animals on a farm. Its not about money its about love, sharing, laughing, growing in the faith, caring for each other, caring for your neighbors and much more. Do not let these people upset you with their self-centered ways. I can’t think of any better or more rewarding role in life for a woman than being a mother. God has blessed you more than you can imagine. Take care and God Bless your family

  35. Leah in Alaska says:

    When we discovered we were pregnant with our ninth, I was super scared to tell people for fear of negative, hurtful responses. Thankfully, there were NONE. Everyone was kind and supportive. It helps that we live in an area with lots of large families, I guess. 🙂 Congratulations!

  36. Brandy, you have a beautiful family. Do not worry about what people say, there will always be those that will find things to criticize. How many children you have is between you and your husband and God. God said Children are a blessing. For what it is worth, I am very proud of the woman you are and all you have accomplished.

  37. Absolutely! Bring on the blessings, twelve here. There are other ways to get through life than the buy-bigger-supply-everything American way, I agree. And sometimes, just sometimes I think people are a little bit jealous! 🙂

  38. Fix your eyes on Jesus – don’t be a people pleaser and use every opportunity, including raising the next generation to honor and glorify Him as a witness to those who don’t understand. Let your gentleness be evident to all. You got this as long as your obedience to the Lord based in love doesn’t waver! CONGRATULATIONS!

  39. God Bless you and your family. My son and his wife have 7 and one on the way. They are the best parents. They also get the comments. I can’t believe how rude people can be. 7 grandkids from my son and 1 from my daughter. All well cared for and loved. I get the pleasure of all those hugs and kisses. How blessed I am.

  40. Brandy, I love you, and your eloquence. I also notice (unless I missed something above) that I’m the only guy answering you. GOOD FOR YOU!
    God blessed my wife and I with only four, but they were, and are, wonderful. So we went out and found another (she was 16 at the time) who “joined out family” and our other kids always introduced her as their sister. All of them are now in their 30’s, except our eldest daughter, who is 40. She is the only one not married, but we have 12 (14 really, including our borrowed daughter’s kids) grandchildren. And I’m as proud of the way my kids are serving God in good churches, and their kids are serving God (teaching Sunday School, playing instruments in the church orchestra, singing in the choir, charming the Pastor and Staff, you know how that works) as anyone can be. Oh, by the way, our eldest son has 7. 6 girls, one boy. I hope for the boy’s sake he gets at least one brother, but his sisters do love him.
    Like you, we left the numbers to God. And our kids have never complained about what they don’t have now, or didn’t have then. Keep up the good work for God. He blessed you two with these because He knew you would be good stewards of the blessings. And THAT is all that counts. It would be nice if everyone was sweetness and light, but the bad comments are just warts on life. And the people who bring the warts are, as you noted, to be held in compassion.

  41. Katherine says:

    We have eight and also hear some negative comments often, I feel for you! I so tire of being asked how we can afford to feed them, and of course the popular “Better you than me.” It is embarrassing and hurtful to my older kiddos when we are out and someone is telling me I am crazy or how they would never want to be me. Kind of offensive to my kids who are not an inconvenience or expense, they are awesome! I do know they don’t mean anything unkind so I just keep it short and keep moving but I totally relate to this in every way. I also understand that my life is not for everyone and that is cool. I would not go up to someone with a smaller family or who does not have children and comment in anyway though, that would be rude and none of my business, I think the large group of our families just draws more attention so it makes people feel more comfortable commenting? I don’t know, but we know it is a fun exciting time with our families that I do know!

  42. Congrats Brandy! I’m a Homeschoolig mom of 5 ( and one little boy in Heaven). My best advice to the critics out there is keep smiling! Keep loving your family & your husband. When a family loves each other-siblings getting along like friends, parents actually in love, it’s hard for people to pick that apart.
    Many blessings for a safe delivery!

  43. Congratulations Brandy! We just had our 7th boy so we have heard all the negativity as well. I have never been great at dealing with it. I am horrible at quick responses and never want to actually get into a conversation about it either. It wasn’t until my eldest son was 14, I was visibly pregnant with number 7, and we were all at Target (of all places), that I learned how to not only respond but also accept the comments. We were in line and the dad behind us was dealing with his 2 young children when he made a remark about our family size and me expecting another. My 14 year old man of a boy looked him in the eye and said, “excuse me sir, did you seriously just say that to my mother…not cool”. That was it. And in that moment I realized that summed up my thoughts as well. And, I was proud of my boy…for showing a glimpse of the man he is becoming.

    I am still sad that there are few places where I freely can share my joy of having 7 boys. There are very few people who understand. It has, on many occasions, stopped me from sharing the otherwise normal details of my life…because I so want to avoid the comments I know will follow. On the other hand, that fact that I ‘share’ less means that I experience more. I listen more to others and I live more in the moment. Most importantly, I fix my eyes and my heart on what really matters. After all, like you said, what other people think and say is really all about them anyway.

    Congratulations again on your 9th boy. Enjoy each and every moment 🙂

  44. tim in seattle says:

    We have 1. Our choice. You have 9. Your choice.
    I can understand surprise from people you meet, but I can’t understand negativity and personal attacks. You are certainly right that it is more about them, there is no crime in paternal love.
    I grew up in a family of 8 children (7 boys followed by a single youngest girl, the joke was that if she had come along as number 3, the rest of us would never have been born). We all turned out fine.
    Not sure where you live; most folks now live in urban areas, where all we see are hoards of people and cost of living is high. People find themselves struggling to pay for one or two children. Some of the negativity is likely from the assumption that you are asking others to pay for your kids. They see women with 8 kids from 6 fathers, none of whom have jobs, they do the math and lump you in with those families.
    I’ve seen both sides, growing up with many and raising a singleton. Both work fine, our house was always filled with neighborhood children, so there was no lack of socialization. Our son is respectful of others, he IS a little selfish at times (the main knock on only children) but so are a couple of my brothers (ahem). I say we all get to choose what works for us. As long as you love the family you’ve chosen to create, what does anyone else have to do with it?

  45. Billie McWilliams says:

    Hi Brandy! I love your post, I am pregnant with my fifth baby. I definitely get a lot of remarks from people around here and it really upsets me. Do you think it would be possible for you to gives us a little insight on the choices you have made for your family? I know you mentioned that some families decide to let kids share rooms and buy used cars for instance, I would love to read a post about the decisions you and your husband have made that have allowed you to successfully support a large family. I totally understand if its too personal. Keep writing girl, I love it.
    Billie

  46. I used to be one of these people you are talking about. But God changed my heart. I was raised with the thinking that having more than 2 kids was ridiculous. A family friend had 5 girls and I remember all the negative comments. Honestly, where I grew up, everyone had 2 kids. If you had more it was a “mistake”. With this and huge doses of feminism, there is no wonder why I thought the way I did!! But God has truly changed my heart and He has given us 5 beautiful boys. God decided to take our 6th baby sometime between 8-10 weeks pregnant. Even though it has been hard, my heart rejoices to know God has that precious baby waiting for me in heaven!! What is also hard is I can’t share the miscarriage with anyone. I can’t bear the rude comments. I got cussed out by a family member when I was pregnant with my 5th. (This person had NO Biblical or moral ground to attack me verbally for about 2 hours.) So I must bear this alone with my Lord, but joy comes in the morning and maybe we will try again.

    My viewpoint on having babies is that it is a very important decision to be made between husband, wife, God, and a doctor if necessary. (Sometimes it takes a while for BOTH husband and wife to be on board for having another baby!) I don’t believe it should be taken lightly and should be prayed over and each couple do as God leads. He puts the desires in our hearts and I know He has given me a desire for a large family. Even though it hurts me in my heart when others don’t understand (esp. Christians!!!) I must be faithful to God. When I die, I will face Him and no one else.

    Praying for you Brandy that your sweet baby will get here safely and soon!!! 🙂

  47. Dear Brandy,
    Appreciate your blog! Don’t worry about the negative comments from narrow-minded, worldly influenced people, whether they claim to be christians or not. I am about a decade ahead of your stage in life and was not prepared for the current trial. This is something you may want to be thinking, praying and preparing yourself to deal with later. My oldest, married children with their own children are now challenging and to an extent, are critical, of, the very reasons for why we chose the lifestyle we live. The large family size and homeschooling being the biggest, with our parenting skills coming in next. (Even though, oddly enough, all of them are doing quite well in their adult lives, and some have even gone so far as to admit their upbringing helped them. Go figure!) We have 11 children in a 25 year span. Perhaps this is a normal phase in large families, but hey, large families aren’t exactly found on every corner so I haven’t had a chance to compare with others in my stage of life. Besides that, if you think you’re busy now, Brandy, you haven’t seen anything yet! Keep your chin up and smile! you are truly in a marathon with heaven being our eternal finish!

  48. Congrats! I understand the negative comments, we’ve been through them our precious #7 is 4 months old, I agree with one comment we received most of our negative comments on 4 thru 6 now it’s just “expected” and recently whenever I tell someone “guess what?” their first response is “your pregnant” and it’s not in a happy tone, oh well they are the ones missing out. However, God is sending my husband and I support we keep hearing about families with 6 or more children, it’s such a comfort to know we’re not alone. I was in the ER with our 3yo son last week and the nurse asked me how many children I had so I told her and she said a friend of hers was pregnant with #7 and how excited she was. For the most part though now people are saying good for you, or how nice it is to see big families (this from people who “quit” after two). I also agree with the comments that a lot of rude remarks come from church, it’s so sad. One gentleman at church after #7 was born, stood in the back of church and counted out loud then looked at my husband and said, “you have seven children”. I was very proud of my husband for not retorting “yes, I can count too”. I love telling people at the store or anywhere, when they ask “are those all yours?” that “no, my oldest ones stayed home, and they are all a great blessing from above.” Then I try to walk away before the shock is gone 🙂
    As far as financially supporting a large family we don’t worry too much, “His eye is on the sparrow” is a favorite quote with my husband and I whenever things get tight. My sister in law has money and she loves spending it on her nieces and nephews (not just ours but all of them) and she was visiting and brought like 20 boxes of cereal once and said to my husband “how are you going to keep paying for food and everything as your kids keep growing and eating?” My husband told her God will provide for us, He provided us with these wonderful children He’s not going to abandon us” She just rolled her eyes and he pointed out that one way God was providing for us was by using her. God uses so many ways we’d never think of, I work as church secretary part time and a couple years ago, our oldest boys needed winter boots for school they wanted blue and red. I told them we’d see what we could find next trip to Goodwill, but not to get their hearts set on color or style. That week when I got to work someone (still don’t know who) had dropped off 2 pairs of winter boots, blue and red even in the right sizes for each boy. We hadn’t told a soul, since then every so often there’s a bag of clothes in my office waiting for us, once there was an envelope with $40 in it. It probably didn’t seem like much to that person, but some days $40 is everything.
    Okay, I’m long winded, congrats on the newest addition, and for any sceptics out there God will take care of you.

  49. Teresa Codona says:

    Brandy, what a wonderful post! And what a wonderful blessing – did you say the 9th is a boy too? If others can’t see the hand of God in this, let’s pray they will.

  50. Hi Brandy. Thank you for your post and congrats on your exciting news! My husband and I have been trying to start a family for a couple of years and have been unsuccessful. From my position, it really breaks my heart that someone would say something negative about any child being born. Yes children are a blessing from the Lord! I pray that God would bless my womb and believe miracles can happen. We have plans to adopt an embryo this summer, but still have hope that one day we would also have our own. I found your blog yesterday as I am new to the blog world, but look forward to your post and pregnancy updates.

    Blessings.
    Natalie

    http://www.oohlalamaison.com/

  51. A friend just had her 11th – the 2nd girl, who was wildly welcomed by all, but especially her only sister, who is the 2nd oldest. I love big families! People’s issues are, as you readily point out, THEIR issues. Congrats on the baby!

  52. Do you know what else the Bible says is a gift from The Lord? Wives. Does that mean a husband should have all the wives he can because they’re a blessing? No, we’d say that’s ridiculous. I find people that use the children are a blessing argument use it to make themselves feel like better Christians; it becomes their righteousness, their holiness. I have three children and can’t have more for medical reasons, though I’d like more. Should I put my life at risk because I think I’ll be a better Christian. You’ve made me (and I assume others) feel like I’m not as good of a Christian as you.

    • Stephanie says:

      The Bible does say that a wife is a blessing. It says a man “…Who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22) The Bible doesn’t say to go have as many wives as you can. One man and one woman. The TWO shall become one. About Children, the Bible says, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of ones youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! (Psalm 127:4-5)

      I think you need to read this post again, because she was in no way trying to say that she was a better Christian for the amount of children she has. This post also had nothing to do with your situation of not being able to have more children…her whole post was pointed ONLY to those who have attacked her and her husbands decision to have children. She was defending herself against the attacks. She was just saying…”It’s such a sad epidemic in our self-serving society of limiting children because they’re believed to be an inconvenience.” She gave no other reasoning. Not medical or any other reason, but for those who feel children are an inconvenience.

  53. Lynn Arnsdorf says:

    Hi Brandy, I have to comment to tell you that it’s pretty amazing that you have 9 boys! And any kind of negative comment towards you on this subject is rude, but I don’t think you want to fight fire with fire here. Are you defensive because you yourself have doubts about your decision to have this many children? The best way to stand up for yourself is to stay positive towards others. I personally have strong feelings on this subject BUT I would never express them to you or anyone else unless I was specifically asked.

    • Brandy Ferguson says:

      I think I wanted people to really know how it makes a mother of a large family feel when they are greeted with such negative responses.

  54. i “only” have 4 kids. Almost 13, 4, 2, and 10months. I really didn’t get hardly any positive feedback from strangers when they found out it was my fourth. If I was by myself (Which was like never) lol people always assumed because of how young I looked, I was on my first. I’m 30 now. “Is this your first?” It’s my fourth.:) “oh!” Or “oh! Your crazy” I could probably count on 3 fingers, the amount of times I got a “congratulations. So sad. Id like to think they aren’t meaning to be offending.. But seriously, a simple congratulations shouldn’t be that hard, and to bite your tongue on your opinion.

  55. I have been reading your blog for a long time now and it has really helped me as a homeschooling mom of 8. I can also say it would have helped me back in the day when i only had 2 and did not have any idea I would end up homeschooling. You are very encouraging to any mother with any size family. It just bothers me that some think that people choose to do things differently than the majority for ego or attention when it is exactly the opposite. The best decisions and hardest decisions we have ever made were when we did what we knew in our heart was right and did not take into consideration what the majority was doing. This is not at all to say my life is the right way for everyone and I am superior, please I am superior to nobody! I am only trying express that just because someone does something hard or against the grain as they say, does not mean they are doing it for any other reason other than knowing deep down they need to follow their heart. People with 2 kids are just as unique as us larger families absolutely! The large families just get more negativity sometimes and I felt that was all this was expressing. Negativity from family members is the really painful thing. I do also get annoyed that some assume large family mamas get no time to themselves. That is not true. My husband is helpful, they are his kids too, he is their father after all! Plus I only read a few blogs and not much TV so I sleep instead! LOL It is not as bad as people think, if you want to do something and are determined you can do it! I do think a stomach bug in our house is a national emergency though, sorry but it is a nightmare I admit it about put me in a breakdown mode of crying on the floor but I am human so I think it should be alright for mamas with big families to express how hard it is sometimes without someone telling them they did it to themself. A stomach bug was not fun with 1 or 2 either so please be kind! Sorry this is rambling, I just had to comment again and hope everyone has a great weekend!

  56. Casey Wyckoff says:

    Hi Brandy!
    I must say I love your blog! And YES God is so good!!I found your website while trying to look up on how to announce baby #9. We just took a test about 4 days ago and Lord willing we will be having baby number 9 on or around October 26th 2015

    • Brandy Ferguson says:

      Congrats, Casey!! 🙂

      • Thank you! I completely understand the rude comments. People are mean, sometimes they say it not knowing their words are damaging and sometimes they say it just to be mean. When I got pregnant with number 8 , my boss told me my uterus was going to fall out. I never expected that reaction and well, I just had to consider my source. This time around we will only be sharing our news to the people in our lives who truly matter, everyone else, well my belly will soon speak for itself. 🙂 I wish you and your family the best! Its very nice to know we are not the only couple who will soon have 9 children:)

  57. Kerry Tegerdine says:

    I wish I could say that I’m surprised by these negative comments, but I am not. As the youngest of 9 children myself, I can tell you that having a large family is a WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL, WONDERFUL thing! My parents never took a dime of welfare and we all managed to go on to college (paid for by ourselves) and have families of our own. SHOCKING! At 37, I now have 4 beautiful children and laugh when people say, “WOW! You have a big family.” I always reply, “No, I’m one of 9, I have a very SMALL family” As a labor and delivery nurse I have the honor of working with all kinds of lovely families (and some that are not so much, to be honsest). Children are a blessing from Heavenly Father and yours are fortunate they are with you. Enjoy your very LARGE, very handsome addition. Get some rest!

  58. Congratulations!!! Each one of those boys are a blessing from the Lord! You are doing an amazing job 🙂

  59. Congratulations on your baby!!!

    Is there anywhere in the bible where God said we should have a certain number of children or use anything to prevent them from coming(contraceptives)
    I didnt think so. We limit ourselves and let society limit us in so many ways.
    What should lead and limit us is Gods will and purpose for our lives.
    And if he hasnt said stop and as long as you can…. everyone who objects should keep it to themselves

    God bless you …..and all your wonderful men of integrity.

  60. I have several children also, and every time I was pregnant, I felt like it was an incredibly sacred experience. I was stunned that people felt they could show or tell me about their disapproval. I am not a young woman anymore and am still absolutely shocked at how people feel they can openly and directly make judgement calls on other people’s choices. I find it hard to come up with a single, solitary situation where it would be okay to go and tell someone that what they are doing is “bad” or “wrong”. It is truly none of their business and I believe it is a terrible thing in our society today that people feel so justified in doing so. People do not seem to realize that they are voicing their opinion and instead seem to believe that whatever they think is automatically and unquestionably right. Best wishes to you and your lovely family!

  61. Congratulations! It is sad that some people react that way. My husband and I have two precious little boys. We’ve tabled having any more for now because of my physical health and limitations. God is good. It’s hard to want more but be in a place of “waiting but maybe never”. Trusting God in my case means being content with the two blessings He’s already given me–and treating them as such! Praise God for the gifts He’s given you in your children! And, while we’d sure like to have a girl someday, a houseful of boys just sounds like a blast. I’m sure you love it! 🙂

  62. Hi Brandy!
    Just found your blog today while hiding in the bathroom for 5 minutes for peace and quiet!
    Then I got to read your blog when I was in bed! Hah!
    Congrats on number nine! I saw the the pic of your sweet boy and wondered if I could survive round 7.
    Hence, the bathroom hiding.
    I think the real issue with what you and the rest of us with more than the average number is the attitude toward children.
    Children conjure up so many issues. Our own childhood, abuse, neglect, hunger, needy, loud, untamed, and aborted. Plus, the me-time mentality mama.
    Society is changing and the values we used to hold dear are gone.
    But some of us get it. And ya know what, those people are too foolish to see what we have and there is no use throwing pearls to swine.
    And what we have is a family.
    Their ways are not God’s ways. And those people like Danny will never understand. Remember, prisoners comment on blogs too!
    Nice to meet you. God Bless!

  63. Found your blog while looking for healthy granola bar recipes (and got stuck here reading for the last hour) . . . granola bars turned out excellent by the way!

    And then this post caught my attention.

    As the oldest of 11 children and the mother of 6 I can say I am honored to be reading of you, and so many comments from others, in support of large families. They are not for everyone but I can testify that they are a blessing! With 10 siblings and loving parents, I am never without someone who understands; who loves me for me; who loves my kids as their own and I in return love theirs. I do remember my mom not telling my grandparents (paternal and maternal) about the 8th baby that was due because of previous comments with baby #7. There were many tears on both sides. Later, we learned that grandparents were sincerely concerned but their reactions were still hurtful. Best case scenario is that we are all Christian in our reactions and comments whether we are the giver or receiver. God bless you and your family!

  64. I disaprove.
    1) I am NOT narrow minded; I grew up as one of eight children. That is WHY I disaprove. I never had the care and attention from my parents that I needed. I would be a happier and more sucessful person if I had.
    2) YOU are selfish. You think it is piety to have “as many children as God sends us;” it is not. It is pride and vainglory in your own “holiness.” You are not thinking of the welfare of your children.

  65. Hi, Brandy! I have a cousin with your exact name which is how I stumbled upon your blog. Neat! :),My husband and I just found out we are pregnant with #7 and to be honest, we are struggling. I think we are struggling because we have NO and I mean absolutely no support system at all. No one we know is supportive, even though we aren’t on welfare and we don’t ask for help. I am so sick right now and I do feel bad about my older children having to help me out. I just absolutely can’t be the wife and mother I need to be right now. I’m so discouraged and sad that I find myself angry at my husband and God, and I know that’s not right. I don’t feel like I’m a good mother and I think sometimes my children would be better off without me. I hate that I feel so hopeless and tired and sick and defeated. Please help me.

  66. Tiffany Willets says:

    We are expecting our 9th. We thought about all the reasons to not do it again. Our greatest joy comes from our family!

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