Surviving Infidelity

by Contributing Writer, Tonya Ferguson

Almost 3 years ago, my then 9 year old marriage, was put to the ultimate test.

A test I would’ve never in a million years guessed it would have to take.

My best friend had betrayed me for another, and the happily ever after marriage I was so thankful for, shattered to pieces around me.

We had a 7 year old, 4 year old, 2 year old and 10 month old at the time.  After years of saying we’d never ever use the “D” word….I was considering it, big time.

DIVORCE.

I knew we deserved better.  Besides, he had made his choice that fateful day, now I had made mine…..

I was taking the kids and divorcing the man I loved with my entire, broken being.

But God had other plans for us.

Love Wins

You know, when I look back over the past 3 years, I stand in total awe and amazement at what God can do.  What He wants to do, if only we will let Him.

I was being  challenged to live the Forgiveness and Grace part of my faith, to walk back into a marriage, I could no longer trust.

But that’s just it, He wasn’t asking me to trust Dale in those moments, He was asking me to trust HIM:

The Creator and Author of Love Himself.  

The maker of ALL THINGS NEW.  

The God who makes Beauty from the Ashes of our lives, if only we will let Him.

IMG_7232

Over the years of sharing our story, of letting God’s light shine behind the shattered pieces of the mosaic of our broken marriage, I have learned to open my arms to embrace our story of Surviving Infidelity.

To bravely own it and face it as “my truth”.

To be thankful for how many times God has used it to save another couple’s marriage, that otherwise would’ve been cast aside on the basis of “newer is better” and “If it’s broken, then you just throw it away.”

I am Embracing Infidelity.  And strong we stand on promises anew;  new rings, 2 circles unbroken, new vows, meaning more than the original ones ever could have.

IMG_4717editSIMPLY

Do you know how Proud I am of how far we have come?  

Do you know how HARD I fought for my marriage alongside my best friend, my soul mate, and the father of my children?

Victory is already ours, friend.  Bought and paid for by the blood of Jesus Christ our Lord.

3 years ago, we went to WAR for our marriage, and we won a ferocious battle!

Do you personally know the triumph of facing the devil head on and winning?

Awesome.

Do you know the strength of kicking aside the rubble of a dream he destroyed, and standing on a still-firm foundation of Christ Jesus?

It’s under there, I promise.

Do you know the beauty of defeating a plan the devil himself dreamed up to destroy the Earthly picture of Christ and the Church, aka YOUR MARRIAGE?

I do.  And I want you to hear me, that you can overcome.  That the Lord can restore what the locusts have eaten in your marriage.

I am back from war, wounded but smiling, and is now my privilege and honor to grab my hubby’s hand, and shout to the World:

WITH CHRIST WE CANNOT BE DEFEATED!!!!!!

Every day, I look around at my family, and breathe a prayer of Thanksgiving that Love Won.

KC8A0255 edit

Love will always find a way.  For it is patient, and kind, it keeps no record of wrong, and it endures ALL THINGS.   (from I Corinthians 13)

Dale and I wear “Our Story” as a badge of honor, a symbol of Victory, glimmering and shining for all the World to see that in Christ, all things are possible.  For our most effective Ministry tool, comes from God using our deepest hurts.

He NEVER wastes a hurt, ever.  It is always used for others to see the hope of having Christ as Lord of your life.

Your most effective ministry, 4 little fergusons (2)

Today, I {Embrace} Infidelity, because God used it to make my “perfect” marriage, more amazing than my wildest dreams.

Will you allow Him access to your great hurts?  Will you let go of your so called “destiny” and give Him the opportunity to completely BLOW YOUR MIND?

Telling the truth, saying it out loud, choosing to forgive, letting go of what the world “owes you”,  is the first step to FREEDOM in Christ.  Your most effective Ministry comes from your deepest hurts, and a chance to help others walking a similar path, just feels GOOD.

I am FREE!  Praise you, Jesus.  I am free.

IMG_4993

 

Our entire Surviving Infidelity: Beauty from Ashes story can be found here on this blog.

 

 


Comments

  1. This post is a beautiful tribute of surrender to our Awesome and Loving God. Thank you for sharing. It is extremely encouraging. God bless you for offering hope to those who have been face down on the floor for their marriages. It matters not what the issues we are facing, have faced,or will face in our marriages God cares about each one, big or small, happy or sad. It all matters to Him! He loves us so!!

  2. Marriages and families are under attack and it is through our Savior that we are able to survive this battle. There are a million things to learn through trials, especially really understanding and getting to live the Atonement. I think it’s great that you are sharing the importance of following His will in all things. He will carry you through the hard times. Thanks for posting and sharing!

  3. I definitely agree that surviving the toughest battles is what makes a marriage stronger than it was before, even if it feels like those battles are going to overcome you at the time.

    My husband and I have come through different, but no less challenging, issues and we maintain the same mentality. It’s something that someone who hasn’t been through the same thing doesn’t seem to really be able to understand, at times.

  4. Stunning, overwhelming message…

  5. Wow. So powerful. Thanks for sharing your oh-so-personal story for His glory!

  6. Marissa says:

    My marriage, like yours, is a testimony that with God all things are possible (Matt. 19:26). The short of it is this: year 3 of our marriage my husband was unfaithful. He carried this burden for 4 more years until the Lord allowed it to be exposed in year 7. At this point we had 6 kids ages 10 thru 2. But God is so faithful (1 Cor. 1:9). In year 5 (or so) of our marriage Satan planted a seed in me that because I didn’t flee from, I allowed it to grow roots and gain the ground in my mind. I became obsessed with a man that was not my husband. Every day for an entire year I committed adultery in my heart WITHOUT EVEN BEING AWARE OF IT. But the Lord, in His sovereignty, brought this matter into the light PRIOR to my husband’s confession. My cheating heart required some rebuilding of our marriage. So when my husband’s unfaithfulness was revealed after my own, how could I condemn him for almost the same thing I had done? It took 3 days of fasting, praying, and literally being on my face before the Lord (in a puddle of tears) before I had peace to go forward. The Lord allowed our marriage to become utterly devastated ruins of smoking rubble in order that He could rebuild it with Himself in resurrection. We renewed our vows several months later after God restored us to each other and to Himself. This year marks year 15. My husband is my best friend, lover, and confidante. There is no one in the world that I would rather share my everything with. We are an anti-testimony in an age where SO many marriages testify of divorce, bitterness, and ruin. I share our story so that others may know that THERE IS HOPE IN CHRIST. Praise the Lord, that with Him all things are possible!

  7. Amanda Pippen says:

    Thanks so much for sharing your story, my husband and I have been married for fifteen years and we share two beautiful children together, we are two months into this battle and we have been praying everyday together, the devil is still fighting us so hard. Just this morning I almost went and filed for divorce, I love my husband so much and he loves me, it makes me so sick when I think of the devil trapping him. He is a very loving father and husband, I’ve got to keep fighting. I stumbled on your blog just this morning and I’m very thankful for the encouragement and love flowing from your post. Thank you so much, I hope one day I will be strong again and be able to help someone through their pain.

  8. Yours is a truly inspirational story. It’s tough drawing the line between keeping the faith and accepting God’s will, and taking action against something that is going terribly wrong. However, I do agree that making a marriage work is tough and people seem to give up too soon. I’m sure your story will give strength to a lot of women whose faith in God and marriage is wavering.

Share Your Thoughts

*